Thread for memories
Please add your memories as comments on this post so that others can find and view them.
posted by Pradeep's Memorial Site at 11:51 AM
A place to share treasured memories of his life and relate experiences to fellow grievers.
posted by Pradeep's Memorial Site at 11:51 AM
29 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Remembering Pradeep: September 10, Sunday, 2006, Rochester, NY: Remarks by Dilip G. Saraf
We have gathered here today more in grief, solidarity, and with a profound sense of loss than we have in sadness. We have gathered to celebrate the life of Pradeep and to honor him. I think that it would be a fitting honor to a man who lived his life by focusing more on his actions than by the few words he chose to speak to show him that he was a rarity in today’s world obsessed with empty words. In the spirit of his own ideals I want to be also brief in what I say about him today; I beg your forgiveness if I am remiss.
But, before I start talking about Pradeep, I just want to take a moment to note something that has deeply touched me. Pradeep’s condition came to light just about two months back. Ever since then I have observed the heartfelt response of those around him in and around Rochester, particularly those who are close to the family in the way that they have responded. It is simply overwhelming. I come from the Silicon Valley, where even the closest relationships tend to be somewhat distant, with an aseptic casualness to it, even in the most emotional of times. What I observed here, in stark contrast, defies description. The way so many of you have opened your hearts, offering cordiality and warmth with your unstinting support to the entire family in ways that is simply touching. So, on behalf of Pradeep’s family and me I would to thank each of you for your generous and heartfelt expressions of help, support, and kindness. And, looking at those who have gathered here today I can say that this is a goodbye that Pradeep will be touched by, too!
Now that dear Pradeep has suddenly left us it is our duty to remember him in ways that will honor his life. The realization that he had pancreatic cancer that had already spread when he got his test results less than two months ago now, hit us all like a thunderbolt. He knew then that he had just a few weeks to live. I considered it a privilege to be able to help him deal with this calamity that was going to change everything for him even before he left us.
As I watched him deal with his fate during the final weeks of his life I came to realize that he was an extraordinary man. As we grew up in our Belgaum household I just took our sibling rivalry for granted. But even then my memories of him are those of a vibrant adolescent not willing to let go of any opportunity of getting what he wanted. He did that by skillfully playing the family underdog!
He was born at the cusp of the World War in 1945, when my mother had the benefits of the new medicines then available. As a result he was born with much energy and strength unlike the rest of us. Our mother found it difficult to reign him in, especially when dealing with three other kids and one more behind him in a large household. So, to control his mischief my mother instilled in him the fear of the boogeyman in his early childhood. Very soon, he was scared to be alone or in the dark. To deprogram him took much effort during his adolescent years. This only increased his ratings as a family underdog despite his impressive physique.
I was amazed by his ability to quietly insinuate himself in family matters and to commandeer the best deal available. I was always jealous of his ability to get away as a trickster, and when he won, which was often, there was that mischievous glint in his eyes. But, alas, suddenly it was time for me to leave my home at 16; Pradeep was only 11 then and soon afterwards it was time for me to come to the U.S. and that was nearly 40 years back. Pradeep followed a few years later.
During all these intervening years I did not have a chance to really know Pradeep as he became a man, although we connected often on occasions that required it and exchanged our familial duties.
But now, after all these years my lament is that I did not have the time or the occasion to look at him the way I did during the final weeks of his life and steal that brief glimpse in his inner workings as an intensely private man. Before then I only knew him as my brother. Now that I got to know Pradeep more up close, I realize that the relationship we have had in the past was almost factitious in comparison, lacking the warmth and the inner depth that I experienced when I first came to deal with the inevitability that he was forced to face. In that vein I am grateful that I got to know the real person, albeit briefly.
The sudden recognition that his end was near had stripped away the façade that kept us both from getting to know each other better all these years. It is ironic that we prefer to live in an artful world to keep our pretenses where every thing is always fine!
As I came to know him during the past six weeks, I discovered that Pradeep’s focus in life was his family and his patients, in that order. He occasionally played golf with his buddies, with his cell phone fastened to his belt, and that was the only escape he found time for during his later years.
He was fortunate to have Neelima as his soul mate. She had committed herself to him and had helped him realize his dream by putting aside hers and by welding together their life as one. In fact, I believe that she gave him life. In return she expected nothing from him and ended up getting his unfailing love. I am grateful to Neelima for letting me on this little secret that they shared it with such intimacy.
His daughter, Anita, was his pride and joy. All her accomplishments and how she grew up to be a fine young lady was a source of immense joy for him. This was apparent in every moment that he was in her presence physically or otherwise. The unmistakable glow that radiated as he spoke of Anita, the twinkle in his eyes, and the smile that beamed across his face all came from his true love for her. Anita, in her own measure shared that feeling. He was very happy to see Jason as his son enter their family.
One of the main qualities in Pradeep, which shone even more brightly towards the end, was his unfailing optimism and faith in his actions. He never looked back in anger or forward in fear even during the darkest period of his life. Instead, he was inspired to look around him in awareness and gratitude.
Often, our life reminds us as though we are on an anvil taking repeated blows that shape us into who we become. Pradeep had his share of the blows, but he took them in stride and kept his optimism to the end. His outlook was that if the universe had a plan no one could countermand it. His personal philosophy was to recognize that plan and to create the best result possible, even though the ultimate outcome was different from the one that we mortals considered equitable in earthly terms. He believed in free will more than he did in fate. Even to the end he kept his optimism, blamed no one for his condition and broke the surly bonds of earth with a smile on his face. He knew that we eventually all come together in peaceful harmony where time, space and all the pain and suffering simply cease to exist. He knew that God put the rainbows in the clouds so that each of us in the direst and the most dreaded moments can see the possibility of hope!
During his final weeks I also had an occasion to deal with the winding down of his practice. I met with his office staff, colleagues, and most importantly, his patients. As we were planning to sell his practice his only concern was the care and welfare of his loyal patients, a pool of over 20,000 accumulated over the past 20-plus years. During this time the only patients he lost were those who were terminal. In today’s world of physicians where greed and speed are the only two drivers of how most practice their medicine, he chose charity and purity front and center and put patients’ welfare ahead of anything else. Where most in his profession chose to treat only the disease, he chose to make the patient whole again.
When I was working to see how to collect some long overdue accounts, he simply said if they could have afforded it they would have paid me and I will collect this in some other ways, some other time, some other place. In a way, he consecrated the Hippocratic Oath, and in the process sanctified his profession.
In an age defined by image, wealth, complexity, and speed Pradeep chose to embrace purpose, substance, simplicity, and care. He was comfortable being authentic in his skin and doing what he did best: taking care of his patients 24/7. Even during his final moments when he was in excruciating pain, at the death’s doorstep, he never complained once about his plight. He took the time to instruct his office staff on how to care for those who needed critical attention. He put aside his own needs and asked those around him how his patients were.
Suddenly, I felt humbled!
All my life I have been looking for a hero; A hero who would speak less and show me how to reach beyond our desires that are steeped in human frailties. A hero who, despite his knowledge of the rapidly emptying sand left in his life’s hourglass, chose to ignore his own needs and stayed true to his Oath. And when I witnessed this right in front of my own eyes, I suddenly realized that serendipity had blessed me once again. My only lament is that I discovered my hero but did not have a chance to tell him.
I will, though, some day!
Remembering dear freind Pradeep. Eulogy by Dr. Ranjit Mirje, Kolhapur, India
Ladies & Gentlemen;
It was year 1967.A handsome young man was creating ripples on the campus of J.N.Medical college Belgaum with his phenomenal performance in cricket. Very soon his whiplike badminton racket started lashing at established players of the game. The player was of course Mr.Pradeep Saraf and the lesser mortals at the receiving end were Uday Sathe and self.Soon we three became the pillars of college badminton team bringing in laurels to the almamater from all over the state.But the real creamy gain has been the eternal freindship that developed between the three even though I was senior in the class by almost three years.
Ever since I have known Pradeep,Padya to dear ones so intimately.After Belgaum we were together again in Mumbai for post graduate surgical training.Soon after he sailed through ECFMG exam. and landed in Youngstown Ohio where I already was in second year of surgical residency.My wife Shaila and myself felt privileged to have him with us.Our just born daughter Seema used to be so comfortable playing in his laps.By the time he moved into his own residency, Pradeep was more of a family member than freind.For last couple of decades though different carrears persued in far off lands seperated us physically never ever did we loose touch of each other in our minds.
Pradeep was always a man of meticulous planning though hardly ever he would reveal his mind.Once the goal was set there could not be more aggressive persuer of it.No wonder he always reached the goal,never with serendipity but always with grit determination and hard labour.Remarkably despite all the towering succeses he acheived, the modesty that he had inherited from Saraf family never left him.That broad smile which so often would burst into prolonged laughter was a constant feature of that photogenic face.
That made him a natural leader as well.Our college in belgaum used to be a boiling pot of students coming from all sorts of regions, languages,races and what not.But he could carry them along whether in sports or in students` politics with his fingernails.It almost was a God proffered gift that he could make so many people happy at a given time and yet remain at the arrowhead as a leader.No wonder till today at every college reunion everybody including staff want to know`How is Pradeep?`.
Robust health was another family gift he was endowed with.No strain of bacteria would dare touch him.That`s what makes it so appaling to know that such a ghastly disease would engulf and end his illustrous carrear in such hurricane manner.All over in months` time. For us it was less than twentyfour hours from the time we received the news of his illness to the end.And that too at prime of his life.Simply put Pradeep has proved again what we often say in our Marathi language`Jo awadto sarvana,tochi awade devala`(One who is adored by all is also loved by god).
Neelima & Anita, we have no words to express our condolenses.You always has been a becon for Pradeep.Henceforth ,it will be his principles that would guide your future.Rest be assured that we all are with you during this period of grief.
Finally I say Good bye to Pradeep with a salute and request the Almighty to rest his soul in peace.
Dr.Ranjit Mirje
Kolhapur.India.
Eulogy by Sharmila and Mark Mulkey.
Dear ALL,
I was greatly aggrieved after seeing the obituary. I had the pleasure of meeting him only a few times while growing up. My memories of Pradeep Mama are few and precious, I will cherish them forever. He was always kind, loving, and it seemed to me that he always put others first without regards to his own self. He was a selfless person. Unfortunately I was unable to meet him before he passed away, the only comfort I can gather is from the recent trip Mommy and Papa (Saroj and Mohan) made to Rochester to spend his last few days with him. Mommy gave of herself tirelessly and gallantly in the face of this crisis. When I went home this past weekend for Labor Day holiday, Mommy told me how Pradeep Mama was being unselfish and considerate of the family even though he was suffering QUIETLY and WITHOUT complaining! She was also a source of great comfort to Neelima Mami and Anita (I admire her courage!) who is shouldering immense responsibility due to this. Sadly I will not be able to attend the memorial service this coming weekend but my LOVE and SPIRIT will be with those who do attend. Pradeep Mama’s legacy is that he graciously accepted his fate and turned his life over to GOD unselfishly. Love, Sharmila
Jyotsna and Prakash Pai:
It is very difficult to gather words to express how we are feeling about loss of our dear brother Pradeep. It is so sudden, unexpected & untimely. He has left a void in everyone’s life in one form or other especially in Neelima, Anita and also his patients taking care of them like his own family members.
Through ur e-mails only I came to know that he fought the battle of his life like a warrior with a smile on his face and at the same time bringing smile on the faces of Neelima and Anita by celebrating birthday & marriage anniversary respectively. It requires a great heart & Lord Krishna described this state of mind as Sthitapragyna in Gita.
On one occasion my mother was in great knee pain and had swollen her. At that time Pradeep was in Bombay (maybe in Cooper or Nanavti hospital.) But my point is in spite of busy schedule, he used to come all the way from Vile Parle to Borivali to give injections to Aai for few days which was a great relief to Aai and all of us.
Also I remember he was a great help when we shifted from Malad to Borivali. He used to take household /unbreakable items by car bcos he was the only person who knew driving.
Please convey our humble and deepest condolences to Neelima, Anita and Atya.
I remember a quote from Bhagvad Gita where the LORD says:
“Weapons cleave It not,
Fire burns It not
Water moistens It not,
Wind dries It not”
Jyotsna & Prakash
From Nandan Yardi, Pune
We were greatly moved by the obituary and send our heartfelt condolences. It is a great personal loss to me as I looked up to him as my role model.
Nandan
Memories of Pradeep
By Nalumavshi:
As an aunt, I always had motherly feelings towards my sisters’ children. I was in contact with Pradeep mostly during his childhood. He was always modest, royal, and exuberant in his looks and attitude (to me, they all are, but Pradeep was special!) and I always was awed by it. When he was growing up, I was with my family and hardly came in contact with him until after he left Belgaum. But whenever I met my sister Indiratai, she always used to talk about her children and used to follow the daily care instructions, which Pradeep gave her as a medical doctor so that she could take care of her health and stay well. Some of his instructions are still with me and I still use them in my own daily regimen to this day. As a result, he is always there in my mind.
It is especially painful to experience the passing away of someone younger than you. I can very well imagine what Pradeep’s own family must be going through. I admire Neelima and Anita very much for facing the situation courageously and making the last phase of his life comfortable.
Pradeep was very close to his younger brother, Anand, who was near his age. They were almost like twin brothers. I also can imagine his pain in this time of loss.
Let the Almighty give them courage to face the pain, and peace to the departed soul.
Nalumavshi
P.D. Prabhawalkar:
My contact with Pradip was very brief. But it is not the time that counts but what really matters is the impact of the contact. It would not be an exaggeration if I say that his polite behavior could be very well judged from his actions rather than his words. Words were not necessary.
I met Pradeep last on a local train from Borivali to Mumbai. That time I had lost a couple of relatives of my own to cancer. Pradeep consoled me and explained the differences between their cancers to me with quotations from medical texts, which gave me the idea of the depth of his awareness; there was no doubt that medical science coursed through his veins.
The last time I talked to Pradeep was when I made a trip to San Diego, CA. He called me and asked me to fly through New York on my way back to India, which, unfortunately, I could not do due to previous commitments. I then I did not know that I shall not be meeting him again!
May his soul rest in peace!
Bhauji
In Memory of Pradeep mama By Vinita Le Mercier
JOURNEY HOME
The first day:
A baby clinging to his mother
fearful of his new world.
As a child innocent and playful.
Curious and eager to explore his new world.
As a school boy, a loving son, and brother.
Smart, clever,and naughty
A lover of music.
Having fun in the world.
As a young adult handsome,independent,
hardworking,and ambitious.
Determined to discover the world
As a man, a loving husband, and proud father.
Cherished family member and loyal friend.
Dedicated,trustworthy,and jovial.
An optimist in this real world.
The last day:
At the end in this world facing a sudden challenge
elegant,strong, and not fearful of the world
on his journey back home.
----- We will always hold you in our hearts
your adoring niece
Vinita
From Bhalulmama and Taramami:
Thank you very much for the detailed reporting on the Riuals on final Goodbye
to Pradeep
Jasos Anita & K. Phadnis to be commended for their managing the function to
the minutested detail
Neelims also to be commended for her grace and courage for her words of thanks
to the gathering
Good dear Bhai & Anil are staying with Neelima and are looking after financies of Pradeep.Thank them and K Phadnis for his generosity and kindness during the
trying times
From my experience during my mother's death Rituals are of great importance as
they make you forget your sorrow and one is concentrating on the rituals to be of
more impotrtance to be performed correctluy to the minutest details
My memory of Pradeep:
Pradeep was hardly 3-4 years'old. He was always demanding sweets (Laddoo)which was annoying to his dear mother.
He then asked me "Am I Wrong in asking for a second laddoo"?
I said, " you are asking because can eat two, while most eat just one. There is nothing wrong. on the contrary AAi is happy that you are
eating more than the rest"
At this he was much relieved&
his face started glowing with relief & JOY which I can still visualise
yours in GRIEF Tara mami & Bhalu mama
Dr. Mohan Kokatnur (Saroj)
Ladies and Gentlemen & Friends of Saraf Family:
I would like to fondly remember Pradeep as I knew him.
Ever since I met Pradeep I noticed him as a man of few words.
I met him for the first time during my marriage ceremony in 1963. As the elaborate marriage ceremonies go in Indai it is very difficult to know who is who in the bride's family. They are enjoying so much of the festive activities. However, couple of days later I came to know all the people in Saroj's family. Pradeep struck me as a quiet one.
Few years later when I met him again during my trip to India I asked him ' what do you want to be'? He was quick in his reply ' I want to become a doctor and I will come to America'. I chuckled at the comment and wondered whether the young man was so determined and focused in life. During my subsequent visits I was convinced that he was going to do it.
Years passed by, he finished his Medical School in Belgaum and moved on to Bombay to specialize in Surgery. With M.S. degree he passed his ECFMG Test in flying colors and wrote us that he is coming to America. I was not surprized at all. I had asked him to come to New Orleans first before going anywhere else in USA. That he did. He had grown to be a handsome and dynamic young doctor.
During that first visit he happened to see me struggling to trim the overgrown Ligustrum bushes in our back yard. Before I woke up next morning I saw him hacking at that Ligustrum fence. He did not say much when I tried to stop him thinking that he should not do it. It was not for him to do that having come from India few days before. By the time I could put my Jeans on and bring the pruning saw to the back yard he had finished the job. I had not seen such a quiet, dedicated and focused young man from India doing such a thing.
After consulting several of my doctor friends he chose to do his Residency in Urology at Rochester. Far from his Birthplace and us too he must have had tremondous courage to strike on his own. Soon Neelima and Pradeep fell in love with Rochester and settled down to work and enjoy their life.
In the intervening period of several years we invirted them on many occasion to travel and vacation with us.. But seeing he was so busy we did not muster enough courage to insist. Yet I recall, one year at the Mardi Gras time I had insisted him to attend a Urology Symposium at the Tulane Medical Center. He did come for the meeting, attended all the scientific proceedings while Mardi Gras Revelers were parading on the streets. He refused to stay on for a day to attend Mardi Gras festival .I had to rush him to the airport same evening.
Here was man who enjoyed work above everything else. His and Neelima's only other love was Indian Classical Music. Most of you probably know that he was a very good TABLA player. A very successful and accomplished sportsman in his High School and College days Pradeep turned out to be a wonderful Urologist with total dedication to his patients and work.
Neelima and Anita his beautiful daughter will miss him immensely in their lives, so as well rest of us. God help us to heal this grief.
We believe in reincarnation. I feel god wants such people up there so they can rest for a while and come to the world again serve others in taheir suffering.
I pray the Lord to rest his soul in peace before assigning him to another mission.
Work, work, & work is the name of God ! That is what I learned from my Japanese classmate at the University of Illinois. He had hardly slept for more than 4 Hours a day during his student life. My thousand salutes to you Pradeep. Work was your God too.
Please rest for a while and we will wait to see you again in this world.
Mohan Kokatnur.
From Anand B. Divekar, UK
Dear - Neelima,
May God give you all strength to cope with what is happening .
we all are praying.
I remember all the things about Pradeeep. I used to meet him in Nanavati hospital and in KEM. Dilip and Pradeep were my childhood heroes and I still remember going to the airport many times to drop or pick up either Dilip - Saroj or Pradeep . that gave me inspiration to study hard and do well. Once dilip went to USA , Pradeep was in Mumbai for a long time and he then became my hero.
I also remember when , Dilip and Marylou had come to India and were in Juhu hotel , and i stayed with Pradeep and saw them off at the airport after which we went to nanvati hosp . He gave me nice expensive coffee at the airport- expresso- white and frothy.it was a novelty to me .
I was in school that time and always tried to copy and wanted to be with Pradeep , especially as i wanted to be a doctor and surgeon. I troubled him to play with me table-tennis in Nanavati hospital . In fact he bought me a Butterfly tt racket when he went to Singapore for his ecfmg. I used it for the next 20 years till the rubber peeled off.
Surprisingly - he always seem to take me along with him- probably he had to as I was persistent.
I also remember staying with him in Nanvati hospital and also after his father's cataract operation in Fort, Mumbai- this is going way back when i was in 7th std.
I do not know whether You will get time to read this lettr as you all must be in a totally different mood. we also can't think about anything else
Anand Divekar
A note from P.D.Prabhawalkar:
This part from a poem by James Shirley is apt: (From "Death the Leveler")
The glories of our blood and state
Are shadows, not substantial things;
There is no armor against Fate;
Death lays his icy hand on kings: ...............
..................................
................................
Only the actions of the just
Smell sweet and blossom in their dust.
I can't say anything beyond this at this stage.
P.D.P.
From Donna and Reuben:
We still (Reuben and I) miss him so much. We talk about him very often and wish he was still here with us.
We'll be moving to Arizona in January and we had always hoped that he and Neelima would be coming to visit us there.
I've been corresponding with Neelima the past few days since she sent me the web site (via e-mail).
I'm glad she's going to Houston with Anita for awhile--she needs to be with family.
Again, we appreciated so much the beautiful memorial service you organized for Pradeep--it was a wonderful tribute to him.
I was in the OR for lunch last Friday and the girls were talking about Pradeep and how much they all missed him and how there would never be another doctor like him (or person like him).
All our best,
Donna (and Reuben)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
From Sharmila Mulkey:
I wanted to share this special memory I have of Pradeep Mama. Please see if you can add this to the Threads of Memories section on the website.
During one of our frequent trips to India (I think in 1974) when I was a child, I recall fondly several incidences with Mommy’s (Saroj) family. One evening we all were sitting for dinner in the
Informal dining room, next to the kitchen, I remember almost all the people there: Yardi family, Anand mama and Pradeep mama (before marriage), Mothi Aai, my family and me. A very big
Crowd to feed but a joyous one and always plenty to eat! There were lots of conversations and laughter going. As I was eating my meal with my hand, Pradeep Mama was quietly
observing me. After the meal was over, he took me into the front bedroom and sat me on the bed; I was not more than 8-9 years old. He very quietly explained to me that I was not using
my right hand properly while eating. Honestly I had taken some rice with dal and was patting it down in my thali with my WHOLE hand. He had seen me do this. Then he showed me how to
eat Indian food the proper way: Using only the fingers and not the whole hand. He didn’t make a big show of this; he was able to teach me without embarrassing me in front of the extended
family. I will forever cherish this memory. Love, Sharmila
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
From Saroj, Pradeep’s sister,
Memories of my brother Pradeep:
Yes, It has been almost two months on this October 30 th. I still do not believe he is gone from all of us. My beloved brother Pradeep had all the talents since his childhood and had liking for so many household chores, like decorating the dining table when father's Belgaum Club or bank friends used to come for the party. He would shine the glasses better than the servants did. Also he always took charge of Ganapati and Diwali Decorations. He had so much energy.
On the kitchen front our late father, Mama, always enjoyed his Bhakari (bread) than those made by the cooking maid or even our mother! About his talent as a Cricket player and Tabala player he was unquestionably the best He was also a good singer but never wanted to develop that talent. Every time he played a winning cricket match, which was often, his name would appear in Tarun Bharat (the local daily newspaper) along with that of my youngest brother, Anand, who was also a great cricket player. Pradeep could not read Marathi script so he used to very softly request Anand to read his name in the Newspaper. But Anand would give him hard time and tease him a lot before reading loudly. I used to get a kick out of it
Once He had Tabala Playing Contest in his St.Paul school. Our father and my Mom attended that program. When they came home Mom told me that when he was finishing the contest his cap (topi), in the heat of the duel, fell on his forehead and covered his eyes. But he did not stop, did not panic, and finished the contest victoriously. His winning indicated to us that in future life he would become a calm and successful man.
Among three of my Dearest brothers I did not know which one was the best Looking at that time, First, Second or Third . I think all of them are very handsome (Lady Killers !) Also all of them smart, kind, and very Understanding. They are unique.
Last three weeks I spent with pradeep till 18th of August will be remembered till my last breath. Neelima was so kind to invite us along with Anita to spend time with all three of them. They were very calm and courageous about his sickness. Neelima was serving and taking care of her husband every minute while Anita was taking care of outside business plus that of her loving Baba (grandfather) providing him everything he asked for. Even being the only daughter she did the work of five sons. A very sharp girl I love her.
Pradeep was calm all the time when we both were talking about all our families here and in India. We talked about all our children and how good they have done. He felt at peace in listening to filmy and classical music He told all his friends who were visiting: “I have a chef from New Orleans. Saroj is a good cook.” We shared so many memories about parents that are priceless.
Pradeep is going to come back again in our family I am sure of that! He will be born to my nephews or nieces again.
Saroj
From Mahendra Saraf:
In Fond Memory of Pradeep Kaka, an inspiring and fascinating personality!!
Kaka as I knew!!
Back home in Belgaum where I lived for 23 years, had known about My Kaka through others. I was 4 years old when he had visited us and left me with faint memories of him. The chocolates that he had got were my first taste of “imported chocolates” which distinctly imbedded in my mind.
Growing up I got to know more about him, through Ajji, my parents and host of people in Belgaum who knew him, loved him and some were his fans to my surprise. So to me My Kaka was a person who became ambidextrous in-order to be a good surgeon, who in first attempt cleared his exams in Kaula lampur where others had failed miserably. The person who had good culinary skills, was mischievous as a child and humorous. Definitely a personality to lookup to as a child.
As I grew up things did not change, there was so much more to know about My Kaka, his multi-faceted personality his achievements and more. I can never forget a chat I had with a well known person in Belgaum, I was in school and was a budding cricketer, I had recently done well in a match and the person congratulated me saying ‘you played like your Kaka’!! I was amazed to know that he played cricket too and was excellent with the bat it was another talent unfolded for me. Then came the time when I was asked to gather some Tabla notes from my class only to know that they were to be sent to Kaka, that he played Tabla and performed at gatherings and other events in US. So it was academics, sports and talent uncovered for me.
With my parents visit to Rochester I got to know about his achievements, the infinite number of friends he had and the love and friendship he shared, his practice as a doctor and hoards of patients who respected him for his skills in the profession and adored him for the loving and caring nature as a human. There was more for me to boast to my friends than that My Kaka is a doctor and in US. He has a huge farmhouse, has his own boat, plays golf and has a barbeque grill in his backyard – too fascinating the intellectual, spiritual and materialistic achievements for a college going boy who setting his path for the future.
I saw a chance to meet Him when I got posted to Florida, the day came when I received his call and the voice instantly sounded to be of a Saraf. It was my first conversation with him and the warmth, love and affection that I felt instantly attached me to him and I was on my planning table to work out a trip to Rochester. 6th Sep Memorial day weekend was what I had planned and thought of informing him from Saroj attyas’s place on 4th of July when I was visiting them.
Destiny has different things planned for us all, and the next call I had with him around 6th of July was an emotional one, but still he was My Kaka, more than me giving him strength, he was pacifying me, that all will be fine. I finally visited him on 11th Aug, it was 11pm in the night and there he was on the sofa, his troubled body wrapped in a shawl but the twinkle in his eyes and smile on his face defied what he was enduring and I finally met and talked to the person who was known to me through others.
The two days of interaction made up for all the missing years, his talks, memories of childhood, his desire to show me around Rochester, his urge to know more about me all got me so close to him that I hardly felt I was meeting him for the first time and probably for last – this thought was hurting, but there was hope looking at his fighting sprit and complete control over the situation. When I was leaving him I saw it in his eyes the same twinkling eyes were telling me that it’s the last time we see each other but I overlooked that glance saying that He is My Kaka who will fight it out and I will definitely see him again..... but God has his own ways.
This is My Kaka, Pradeep Kaka as I know.
From Mahendra Saraf: In Fond Memory of Pradeep Kaka, an inspiring and fascinating personality!!
Kaka as I knew!!
Back home in Belgaum where I lived for 23 years, had known about My Kaka through others. I was 4 years old when he had visited us and left me with faint memories of him. The chocolates that he had got were my first taste of “imported chocolates” which distinctly imbedded in my mind.
Growing up I got to know more about him, through Ajji, my parents and host of people in Belgaum who knew him, loved him and some were his fans to my surprise. So to me My Kaka was a person who became ambidextrous in-order to be a good surgeon, who in first attempt cleared his exams in Kaula lampur where others had failed miserably. The person who had good culinary skills, was mischievous as a child and humorous. Definitely a personality to lookup to as a child.
As I grew up things did not change, there was so much more to know about My Kaka, his multi-faceted personality his achievements and more. I can never forget a chat I had with a well known person in Belgaum, I was in school and was a budding cricketer, I had recently done well in a match and the person congratulated me saying ‘you played like your Kaka’!! I was amazed to know that he played cricket too and was excellent with the bat it was another talent unfolded for me. Then came the time when I was asked to gather some Tabla notes from my class only to know that they were to be sent to Kaka, that he played Tabla and performed at gatherings and other events in US. So it was academics, sports and talent uncovered for me.
With my parents visit to Rochester I got to know about his achievements, the infinite number of friends he had and the love and friendship he shared, his practice as a doctor and hoards of patients who respected him for his skills in the profession and adored him for the loving and caring nature as a human. There was more for me to boast to my friends than that My Kaka is a doctor and in US. He has a huge farmhouse, has his own boat, plays golf and has a barbeque grill in his backyard – too fascinating the intellectual, spiritual and materialistic achievements for a college going boy who setting his path for the future.
I saw a chance to meet Him when I got posted to Florida, the day came when I received his call and the voice instantly sounded to be of a Saraf. It was my first conversation with him and the warmth, love and affection that I felt instantly attached me to him and I was on my planning table to work out a trip to Rochester. 6th Sep Memorial day weekend was what I had planned and thought of informing him from Saroj attyas’s place on 4th of July when I was visiting them.
Destiny has different things planned for us all, and the next call I had with him around 6th of July was an emotional one, but still he was My Kaka, more than me giving him strength, he was pacifying me, that all will be fine. I finally visited him on 11th Aug, it was 11pm in the night and there he was on the sofa, his troubled body wrapped in a shawl but the twinkle in his eyes and smile on his face defied what he was enduring and I finally met and talked to the person who was known to me through others.
The two days of interaction made up for all the missing years, his talks, memories of childhood, his desire to show me around Rochester, his urge to know more about me all got me so close to him that I hardly felt I was meeting him for the first time and probably for last – this thought was hurting, but there was hope looking at his fighting sprit and complete control over the situation. When I was leaving him I saw it in his eyes the same twinkling eyes were telling me that it’s the last time we see each other but I overlooked that glance saying that He is My Kaka who will fight it out and I will definitely see him again..... but God has his own ways.
This is My Kaka, Pradeep Kaka as I know.
From Dr. A. Somaskanda, MD
DEAR MRS. SARAF AND FRIENDS,
WE ARE GATHERED HERE TO REMINISCE, HONOR, AND SALUTE AN EXTRAORDINARY HUMAN BEING WHO LIVED AMONG US, WALKED AMONG US AND TOUCHED OUR LIVES IN SO MANY WAYS. DR. PRADEEP GOVIND SARAF WAS A RARE AND AMAZING COMBINATION OF CAPTIVATING CHARISMA AND TOWERING CHARACTER. WHEN I THINK OF HIM, I AM REMINDED OF EINSTEIN’S TEARFUL LAMENT AT MAHATMA GANDHI’S PASSING, “GENERATIONS TO COME WOULD SCARCE BELIEVE THAT SUCH A SOUL WALKED ON THIS EARTH IN FLESH AND BLOOD”.
WITH HIS COMMANDING PERSONALITY AND GENIAL NATURE HE LIFTED OUR SPIRITS AND FILLED OUR HEARTS WITH JOY. HE WAS LARGER THAN LIFE. HE WAS FULL OF ENERGY, FUN AND LAUGHTER. HE HAD A READY WIT AND A DELIGHTFUL SENSE OF HUMOR. HE RADIATED WARMTH AND GRACE.
I REMAIN IN AWE OF HIS BOUNDLESS GENEROSITY, COMPASSION AND FORBEARANCE. WITH CHARITY TOWARD ALL AND MALICE TOWARDS NONE, HE WAS A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW. IT IS MY GREATEST FORTUNE, HONOR AND PRIVILEGE THAT I CAME TO BE BLESSED WITH HIS FRIENDSHIP FOR THE LAST TWENTY-TWO YEARS. IN ALL THE YEARS I HAVE KNOWN HIM, I HAVE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD HIM SPEAK ILL OF OTHERS. THIS WAS NOT A CONSCIOUS ACT ON HIS PART. IT WAS HIS INBORN NATURE. LIKE THE SANDALWOOD TREE THAT IMPARTS ITS SWEET FRAGRANCE TO EVEN THE AXE THAT FELLS IT, IT WAS HIS “DHARMA” AS WE CALL IT IN INDIA.
HE HAS NEVER TURNED AWAY ANY PATIENTS WHO COULD NOT AFFORD HIS FEES. IIN FACT, HE CARED VERY LITTLE FOR COMPENSATION FOR HIS SERVICES, EVEN WHEN HE WAS STRUGGLI NG TO ESTABLISH A FLEDGLING PRACTICE.
VERY OFTEN I HAD TO FORCE HIM TO TAKE THE FRONT SHEETS FOR BILLING. ON MANY OCCASIONS I HAVE HAD TO PERSONALLY HAND DELIVER THE FRONT SHEETS TO HIS SECRETARY FOR BILLING. HIS DEDICATION TO HIS PATIENTS WAS VISCERAL AND TOTAL.
OVER THE YEARS, HE HAS ASSISTED ME IN HUNDREDS OF CASES. WHETHER IN THE DEAD OF THE NIGHT OR IN THE THICK OF A WINTER BLIZZARD, WHENEVER I CALLED ON HIM FOR HELP, HE WOULD SAY “OK SOMA, I’LL BE THERE”. THERE WAS NEVER EVEN A HINT OF IRRITATION OR HESITATION. A FEW YEARS AGO I HAD A CASE THAT HE WAS GOING TO ASSIST ME WITH. HE CALLED ME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE SURGERY AND SAID, “SOMA, I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE PAIN IN MY BACK. FEELS LIKE A SLIPPED DISC OR SOMETHING. I MAY HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET SOMEONE ELSE TO ASSIST? I AM VERY SORRY BUT IF YOU CANNOT FIND ANYONE, CALL ME, I WILL COME”. TO HIM, COMMITMENT IS A COMMITMENT EVEN IF IT IS AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS HEALTH.
ABOUT 2300 YEARS AGO THERE LIVED IN SOUTH INDIA, A WEAVER – SAINT - PHILOSOPHER, WHO WROTE AN ETHICAL MASTERPIECE HAILED BY NOBEL LAUREATE ALBERT SCHWEITZER, PHILOSOPHER ROMAINE ROLLARD AND COUNTLESS OTHER SCHOLARS THE WORLD OVER, AS A MASTERPIECE UNSURPASSED BY ANYTHING EVER WRITTEN IN ANY LANGUAGE. IT HAS A DEFINITION FOR TRUE FRIENDSHIP. I SHALL PARAPHRASE THAT DEFINITION. SUPPOSE YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE GIVING A TALK. SUDDENLY, WITHOUT WARNING, YOUR PANTS SLIP DOWN.
IN A SPLIT SECOND YOUR HAND WILL MOVE TO GRAB YOUR PANTS TO PROTECT YOU FROM EMBARASSMENT. THAT IS HOW FAST A TRUE FRIEND WILL COME TO YOUR AID IF YOU ARE IN DISTRESS. IF ANYBODY MET THIS CRITERION, IT WAS DR. SARAF. HE WAS AN EPITOME OF FRIENDSHIP. HE CARED DEEPLY ABOUT HIS FRIENDS. WHEN I HAD SOME MEDICAL PROBLEMS THAT REQUIRED SOME LAB TESTS AND X-RAYS, HE STAYED WITH ME IN THE WAITING ROOM UNTIL ALL THE RESULTS WERE IN, KEEPING ME ENTERTAINED DURING THE WAIT. WHEN I HEARD THE NEWS OF HIS ILLNESS, I CALLED HIM UP AT HOME AND SAID, “DR. SARAF, WHAT IS GOING ON? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” EVEN THOUGH HE HAD KNOWN THE DIAGNOSIS, HE DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ME SINCE HE KNEW I WOULD BE DEVASTATED. HE SAID “THEY FOUND SOMETHING IN THE LIVER. WE ARE WAITING FOR SOME TEST RESULTS. WHATEVER IT IS, WE’LL DEAL WITH IT”.
WHEN I WENT WITH MY FAMILY TO VISIT WITH HIM, HE GREETED US WITH A SMILE AND HUGGED ME WITH THE AFFECTION OF A THOUSAND BROTHERS, AS IF TO SAY “HEY BUDDY; IT’S OK. DON’T WORRY”. AT THAT MOMENT I SAW HIM RISE TO EMPYREAN HEIGHTS. I HAD A GLIMPSE OF THE REGAL NOBILITY OF THIS GREAT SOUL. I FELT LIKE A PYGMY STANDING NEXT TO A MAJESTIC TITAN. IT TOOK EVERY OUNCE OF MY STRENGTH TO KEEP FROM BREAKING DOWN. SUCH WAS HIS COMPASSION AND GRACE.
HE WAS ALWAYS FULL OF CHEER AND JOY. NOTHING SEEMED TO DRAG HIM DOWN. HIS CHEER IS INFECTIOUS. WHEN HE ENTERED THE OPERATING ROOM, HE WOULD RECAP THE DAY’S NEWS AND GIVE HIS HUMOROUS TAKE ON THE NEWS MUCH LIKE JAY LENO’S MONOLOGUES. HE WOULD HAVE US IN STITCHES WITH HIS PLAY ON WORDS AND PUNS.
HE WAS ALSO A JOKESTER AND A PRANKSTER. WHENEVER HE CAME TO ASSIST, WE USED TO CALL HIM DR. HOUDINI. ONE MOMENT HE IS STANDING NEXT TO YOU AND YOU TURN AROUND AND HE IS GONE. WE WOULD BE FRANTICALLY PAGING HIM AND AFTER A SUSPENSEFUL PERIOD OF NO CONTACT, HE WOULD APPEAR GIVING SOME EXCUSE ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS. YOU CAN NEVER GET MAD AT HIM. HE AND I HAVE COLLARORATED ON SOME PRACTICAL JOKES WE PLAYED ON OUR OFFICE STAFF. OF COURSE, I WOULD BLAME IT ALL ON HIM, AND HE WOULD ACT THE INNOCENT MAN.
I WAS FORTUNATE TO SHARE HIS PASSION FOR INDIAN CLASSICAL MUSIC. WE USED TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUT VARIOUS ARTISTES. WE USED TO EXCHANGE CD’S, DVDS, AUDIOTAPES, ETC. WE HAVE BEEN TO MANY CONCERTS TOGETHER. WHENEVER THERE WAS A CONCERT IN SYRACUSE, ROCHESTER, OR BUFFALO, HE WOULD CALL ME UP AND SAY, “HEY SOMA, YOU WANT TO GO TO THIS CONCERT?” I WOULD TEASINGLY SAY, “YES, BUT ONLY IF YOU TAKE THE HIGHWAY”. THERE IS A FUNNY STORY BEHIND THIS. SOME YEARS AGO, HE CALLED ME ONE DAY AND SAID, “SOMA, THERE IS A CONCERT IN SYRACUSE AT 5:30 P.M. WHY DON’T YOU COME TO MY OFFICE AT 4:00 P.M. OR SO. WE’LL GO FROM MY OFFICE”. WHEN I ARRIVED AT HIS OFFICE AT 4:00 P.M., HE STILL HAD TWO PATIENTS TO SEE. BY THE TIME WE STARTED, IT WAS 4:30 P.M. I TOLD HIM, “THERE IS NO WAY WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT IN TIME. WE ARE RUNNING LATE”. HE SAID, “WE’LL TAKE A SHORTCUT THROUGH THE BACK ROADS. DON’T WORRY. I KNOW THESE BACK ROADS LIKE THE BACK OF MY HANDS”. HALFWAY THROUGH OUR DRIVE WE WERE HOPELESSLY LOST. WE HAD NO CLUE AS TO WHERE WE WERE. I WAS OF NO HELP AT ALL AS I WAS BORN DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED. BUT, DR. SARAF WAS UNDAUNTED. HE TURNED INTO A BUSY TWO LANE ROAD. PROCEEDING ON THE ROAD, HE SPOTTED A POLICE CAR APPROACHING US IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. AS THE CAR GOT NEARER, HE ROLLED DOWN OUR CAR WINDOW AND WAVED DOWN THE POLICE CAR. HE GREETED THE RATHER PERPLEXED BUT COURTEOUS COP AND SAID, “HI OFFICER. HOW ARE YOU DOING? YOU KNOW WE ARE KIND OF LOST. CAN YOU GIVE US DIRECTIONS?” THEN HE PROCEEDED TO GIVE HIM DETAILS ABOUT WHERE WE STARTED, WHERE WE WERE GOING AND HOW WE GOT LOST. I WAS SQUIRMING IN MY SEAT AS I COULD SEE WE HAD THE TRAFFIC BLOCKED IN BOTH DIRECTIONS, AND THE MOTORISTS CLOSE TO US WERE GIVING US DIRTY LOOKS. IN FACT, AS WE LEFT, ONE OF THEM WAS EVEN GIVING US THE FINGER SALUTE. FINALLY WHEN WE ARRIVED AT THE CONCERT HALL, THE ARTISTE WAS SINGING HIS LAST SONG. DR. SARAF KEPT INSISTING “THE BEST IS YET TO COME”.
IT IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO ACCEPT THE REALITY THAT HE IS NO LONGER WITH US. WHENEVER I PASSED HIS OFFICE TO REACH MY OFFICE, I USED TO PEEK THROUGH HIS WINDOW TO SEE IF HE WAS THERE. IF HE HAPPENED TO BE IN HIS OFFICE, I USED TO WAVE AT HIM, AND HE WOULD SMILE AND WAVE BACK. IF HE WAS NOT BUSY, I WOULD DROP IN ON HIM, AND CHAT WITH HIM BEFORE PROCEEDING TO MY OFFICE. THAT WOULD MAKE MY DAY. NOW, WHEN I PASS HIS OFFICE, I SEE MYSELF INVOLUNTARILY PEEKING THROUGH THE SAME WINDOW WITH A HEAVY HEART, YEARNING FOR THOSE GLORIOUS DAYS. HE HAS LIT A FIRE OF GRIEF THAT BURNS IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AND WILL GO ON BURNING FOR A LONG TIME.
A.SOMASKANDA, M.D.
From Susan Ross:
NEELIMA AND FRIENDS,
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T KNOW ME, I WORKED WITH DR. SARAF FOR CLOSE TO 10 YEARS.
I WOULD LIKE TO READ
~THE DASH~
BY LINDA ELLIS
I READ OF A REVEREND WHO STOOD TO SPEAK
AT THE FUNERAL OF HIS FRIEND.
HE REFERRED TO THE DATE
ON HER TOMBSTONE
FROM THE BEGINNING…TO THE END.
HE NOTED THAT FIRST CAME THE DATE OF HER BIRTH
AND SPOKE OF THE DATE WITH TEARS
BUT HE SAID WHAT MATTERED MOST OF ALL
WAS THE DASH BETWEEN THOSE YEARS.
FOR THAT DASH REPRESENTS ALL THE TIME
THAT SHE SPENT ALIVE ON EARTH, AND
NOW ONLY THOSE WHO LOVED HER KNOW
WHAT THAT LITTLE LINE IS WORTH.
FOR IT MATTERS NOT HOW MUCH WE OWN:
THE CARS, THE HOUSE, THE CASH.
WHAT MATTERS IS HOW WE LIVE AND LOVED
AND HOW WE SPEND OUR DASH.
SO THINK ABOUT THIS LONG AND HARD,
ARE THERE THINGS YOU’D LIKE TO CHANGE?
FOR YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT
YOU COULD BE AT “DASH MID-RANGE”.
IF WE COULD JUST SLOW DOWN ENOUGH
TO CONSIDER WHAT’S TRUE AND REAL,
AND ALWAYS TRY TO UNDERSTAND
THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE FEEL, AND
BE LESS QUICK TO ANGER,
SHOW APPRECIATION MORE
AND LOVE THE PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE LIKE
WE’VE NEVER LOVED BEFORE.
IF WE TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT,
MORE OFTEN WEAR A SMILE
REMEMBERING THAT THIS SPECIAL DASH
MIGHT ONLY LAST A LITTLE WHILE.
SO WHEN YOUR EULOGY IS BEING READ
WITH YOUR LIFE’S ACTIONS TO REHASH…
WOULD YOU BE PLEASED WITH THE THINGS THEY SAY
ABOUT HOW YOU SPENT YOUR DASH?
THERE IS ONE PERSON KNOWN TO ALL OF US IN THIS ROOM WHO SET THE EXAMPLE OF HOW TO SPEND YOUR DASH: PRADEEP SARAF.
DR. SARAF ALWAYS PUT THE NEEDS OF HIS FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND PATIENTS BEFORE HIS OWN. HE WAS QUICK TO READ PEOPLE’S FEELINGS AND BE THERE TO HELP THEM IF HE COULD. I KNOW THIS FIRST-HAND. I REMEMBER THE DAY DR. SARAF OPERATED ON MY FATHER. WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR THE SURGERY TO BE COMPLETED, I RECEIVED WORD THAT MY MOTHER WAS BEING PREPPED FOR EMERGENCY HEART SURGERY AT ROCHESTER GENERAL. WHILE SEEING MY FATHER IN RECOVERY, I WAS STRUGGLING WITH LEAVING TO TRY AND SEE MY MOTHER PRIOR TO HER SURGERY. DR. SARAF SENSED THE EMOTIONAL STRUGGLE I WAS FEELING WITHOUT ME EVER SAYING A WORD. HIS WORDS TO ME WERE, “SUE, IT’S OK TO GO. HE IS DOING WELL, AND HE WILL BE FINE”. THIS IS JUST ONE EXAMPLE OF HOW DR. SARAF WAS ABLE TO ALWAYS REASSURE HIS PATIENTS AND THEIR FAMILIES.
THE DASH SPEAKS OF SHOWING APPRECIATION AND TREATING EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT. DR. SARAF WAS A MODEL FOR THIS BEHAVIOR. I WATCHED HIM SHOW HIS PATIENTS MORE RESPECT AND COMPASSION THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE. I NEVER SAW DR. SARAF TURN AWAY A SINGLE PATIENT FROM HIS OFFICE FOR ANY REASON. IF HE WAS MEDICALLY ABLE TO TREAT AND CARE FOR THAT PERSON, HE WOULD DO JUST THAT WITHOUT HESITATION.
ALLOW ME TO QUOTE THE DASH ONCE AGAIN. THE STATEMENT “MORE OFTEN WEAR A SMILE”. DID YOU EVER MEET DR. SARAF IN THE HALLWAY AND NOT HAVE HIM GREET YOU WITH A SMILE? THAT SMILE GOT HIM OUT OF SOME “SITUATIONS” AT TIMES. WHEN THE O.R. WOULD CALL ME IN THE OFFICE AND SAY, “IS HE OVER THERE?” I’D SAY YES AND SEND HIM RUSHING BACK TO THE O.R. WHERE HE WOULD GIVE THE NURSE THAT SMILE AND SHE WOULD LATER SAY TO ME, “I JUST CAN’T STAY MAD AT HIM”. SUE CHARLAND ALWAYS THREATENED TO ATTACH A BUNGEE CORD TO HIM SO HE COULDN’T DISAPPEAR.
WE WISH NOW THAT WE HAD THAT BUNGEE CORD ATTACHED AND COULD JUST PULL THE HEALTHY, STRONG DR. SARAF BACK HERE TO US ALL.
EACH DAY AS I WALK PAST HIS OFFICE I FEEL THE VOID OF HIS PHYSICAL ABSENCE, BUT I KNOW IN MY HEART HE LIVES ON IN EACH OF OUR MEMORIES. HIS KIND, CARING, COMPASSIONATE SPIRIT WILL ALWAYS BE WITH US.
NEELIMA, I WANT TO LEAVE YOU WITH THIS ONE SPECIAL THOUGHT: “WHAT WE HAVE ONCE ENJOYED WE CAN NEVER LOSE. ALL THAT WE LOVE DEEPLY BECOMES A PART OF US”.
THANK YOU. WE ALL LOVE YOU DR. SARAF.
SUSAN ROSS
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dianne Russell was kind enough to send the above two eulogies for Pradeep on Nov. 7, 2006. Thank you, Dianne!
Dear Mr. Dilip Saraf:
I obtained your email from a previous email sent to me by Neelima, so I hope you don't mind.
On October 18, 2006, I had the privilege of organizing a Hospital memorial service for Dr. Saraf, attended by 50+ member of the Hospital Staff. It was a lovely service, a very personal and emotional one. I also had the privilege of going to pick up Neelima and taking her home again, as she wanted so much to attend the service, but didn't want to drive in the dark. We were honored to have her there.
Dr. Somaskanda, an OB/GYN physician who was great friends with Dr. Saraf, and Sue Ross, Dr. Saraf's office manager some years ago, spoke during the memorial and what they said was so thoughtful and so wonderful. We were all laughing one minute and crying the next. Following the memorial, I felt that what was said by Dr. Somaskanda and Sue Ross, needed to be shared with all who knew and loved Dr. Saraf. I was fortunately also observant enough to notice they they were reading what they were saying!! The next day, I asked them both if I could have a copy of what they said, and they graciously provided it to me last week.
I would love to have these pieces place on Dr. Saraf's website, and I'm hoping you can do that. They are attached to this email. I also hope that you are as touched by their words as we all were the evening of the service.
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me. I truly hope these can be placed on the website.
Sincerely,
Dianne Russell
Dianne Russell, CPMSM, CPCS
Medical Staff Services
Newark Wayne Community Hospital
Newark, NY 14513
This is a transliteration of a eulogy written in Marathi, Pradeep’s mother tongue, by his childhood friend, Anand Gogate:
Priya mitra Pradeep yas namra vinamra abhiwadan,
Aaple balpan ekatra gele….Kalmanapramane te sampale….Mothehpan suru zale…..Ani tu motha zalas, Americet…..Ekya parakya deshat zaun motha zalas….Jethe fakth doctorjichi puja hote….Asha deshat tu sarvasthani motha zalas…..! Hazaro patientacha tu devdut banalas…..Ek Bhartiya mhanun mala tujha ya kamgiricha abhiman watato….
Kasahi vichar kelas tari etakya sarva “sankatagrasta” lokanche prem…tyancha apeksha… tyancha wedanan….hey sarvya premache va kartayache oze sambalat….swatala sambhalane mahakathin kaam….mahakathin jababdari….pun tu ti lilaya pelalis….etakya sahajtene pelasis…ke tyache warnan karnyas amache shabda nahi….! Karan koutukane bighadnarech jast aastaat….pun tu bighadla nahis…Namra vinamrapane seva karit rahilas….Hazaro patientlokanche prem jinkit rahilas….AAni te sudha ek navve doon navve, tar satat javal javal 30 varshe….Aare, kalpanetsuddha ashhakay watanari goshth tu shakya karun dakhawalis….! AAmhi natamstaka zaalo aahot….!
AAj sakali tujya ghaari gelo hoto…. Anand junya aathwani sangat hota….Eek aathwan namud karato…
Ethil Civil Hospitalmaddhey kahi versha purvi yogya weli yogya te upchar karun tu, tuzya ek mitra cha ujawa haat wachawals….tu nastas tar kadachit tyacha ujawa haat kapuun takawa lagala aasta….pun tuzya upcharamule…tuzya sevemule tase zale nahi. Va mhanunach to eek yashawi doctor zala aahe.
Shewati vicharawese waatat….“Aare tu hotas tari kon? Ek dawadoot….ti seva karaat asmanyatwas pohochalela eek samanya….sadha…Eek saralmargi.manus?” Mala watate tu donhhi hotas….!
“Maarawe pari kirtirupi uurawe” aase aaplya eethe manthale jate te sarvarthane tu khare karun dakahwales. …! Aaj tu aamar zalas….Tuzi kirti aamar zali….! Tuzi mayamauli tizya sarakhyala janmya deeun dhanya zali…..!
Shewatparyenta tu sarvasathi tu sarva keles….paan, durdeyane, kunalach tuzyzsathi kahi karata aale nahi….! Tenwha needan prarthan tari karu de….! Tuzya kirtis, tuzya amartwas……! Triwar wandan….!
Tuuza Mitra
Anand Gogate
OBITUARY
By Anand Saraf
19th July 4.30 A.M. [IST] the entire world become standstill for me. On the phone was my eldest brother Dilip who said, "there is a bad news from America, Pradeep has developed cancer in Pancreas. Things are bad and are going to worsen in couple of weeks" when you hear any bad news many bad thought entangle your mind. We in Belgaum had no idea of his illness. I have seen Pradeep always healthy the healthiest in our family. I wanted to talk to Pradeep immediately but Dilip said.” he is busy with a dozen of his doctor colleagues finalizing his line of treatment”, and further said that, “I could talk to him next morning”. When we talked to him next morning, I gave a sigh of relief at least he was alive!
After that we talked to Pradeep several times on the phone and also on video conferencing. He himself being a doctor knew for sure the court down had begun. Oncologist had given him just 22 days. We were totally unaware of this till 30th of August. Pradeep took the count down very courageously with high spirit and in cheerful manner. His humour was at its peak even at this critical stage. About 34 years back we both had witnessed a Hindi movie “Anand” of Rajesh Khanna in Mumbai. No body visualized that Pradeep too will be an example of how to face this dreadsed disease “Cancer”.
We were more than 10,000 miles away from him and could not be of any Physical help to him, Neelima, Anita, and Jason who all fought his count down bravely. They all had a very hectic, painfull count down under tremendous pressure and tension. Dilip, Saroj, Mohan, Mahendra, Anuja & Anil could attend to their agony for a while personaly since they were in states.
Immediately I rushed to two of our very renewed astrologers who after studying his horoscope assured that, Pradeep at present is going through a bad phase but he will come out of this and will survive for 84 years. I communicated this to Pradeep he was very happy, He knew for sure that his count down had already began but to keep us happy he said,
“He is fighting for this and will survive definitely because he knew that he had 90 year-old mother back home. I think this twinkle in his eyes was for his mother.
We did all the mantra’s & Abhisheks for his well being but nothing clicked. We were waiting for some miracle to happen and thought that he will come out of this. In spite of this and availability of world best treatment nothing could save him I think one has to believe in destiny and one has to face destiny.
Pradeep and me with a difference of Two years and three months were like twin Brothers. We together spent our Naughty Childhood and Innocent youthful dlays of college together, but in 1976 he went to Rochester to persue his higher studies and settled down there.
Pradeep was always cheerful, kind hearted, generous, affectionate non contravertial and very friendly in nature. He was more determined & focused in life, studies sincere dedicated to his cause. He had a very wide range of friend from all walks of life, in Belgaum Mumbai and Rochester as well. He was an “ANGEL” TO ALL HIS PATIENTS. They still bow to him with awe and reverence. What an “IRONAY” In spite of this, Pradeep died as his disease has no treatment.
Pradeep was a sportsman, a Great cricketer. We always played opposite each other being in different colleges. I still Vividly remember One incidence of his confidence, determination and courage. In one of the Inter collegiate match his team had collapsed due to the wet pitch because of heavy rain – Pradeep came for batting when the score was 30 for 6 wickets down under adverse circumstances he stayed at increase like a solid Rock and scored a brilliant unbeaten century saved the Team and won the match, this was in the year 1967. He was expert in “Disaster Management”.
When his count down began, Just to Boost his moral I reminded him of this match and told him to Fight this diseases with the same spirit He remembered this match and said, “Yes he is going to fight and win this match too (well knowing that he had just 22 days left). I think this he said because he knew that he has “Younger Brother” back home who cannot think of living without him.
I have still nostalgic memories of his Childhood. He was very scared of our family Doctor during his visit to treat him. It was astonishing to see him as a successful surgeon that too in America with over 20.000 Patients Net working. Inspite of his achievement and accomplishment he had the managing of being modest, humble & down to earth.
Pradeep was an all-rounder, he was in scouts, air wing, as a sportsman he played Cricket, Tennis, Badminton, Golf, used to Skie, he used to play Tabala very well.
Pradeep patronized musicians and sitar Maestro like Irshad Khan who used to come and stay with them, in Rochester, while the maestro was rehearsing on Sitar Pradeep often used to accompany him on the Tabala.
One more rare quality he had, since his childhood he was a very good cook.
In 1976 Neelima came in his life. A pretty Doctor by herself, a loving lady – who assimilated in our family like “sugar in milk” – she also plays “SITAR” does painting a very versatile person.
They both settled. They have a lovely house down in Rochester, with wide range of “TRUE Friends” myself and my wife Sanjiwani visited them in Rochester twice and were overwhelmed by their kind and generous hospitality.
Both were very warm and loving hosts.
Anita was born to them in 1979, a very good looking, charming, talented and brilliant daughter. They both were also very happy to receive handsome Jason as their son-in-law whom Pradeep treated as his own son. All of them fought Pradeep’s countdown very courageously. They took atmost care of Pradeep when he was ailing. They did their best to give Pradeep the Best of the treatment, but in vain. Finally nothing was in their hands but they saw to it that Pradeep breaths his last peacefully What agony they must have gone through. It is very difficult for them to lvie without Pradeep But they all have to face this vaccum very couragiousely – as no body can go against the wish of the “ALMIGHTY”.
Before Pradeep left for Rochester, I was like his shadow. He literally grew like a “gigantic tree”, giving shelter, support, fruits to others without expecting any thing in return. He was an example of “Service Above Self.” Now only the shadow of this “Tree” is remaining, cherishing the sweet memories of that “Selfless Tree”. Let his soul Rest in Peace and let us pray to the Great ARCHITECT Of The Universe to give sufficient strength and courage to Neelima, Anita and Jason to sustain this irreparable, untimely and unexpected loss.
OBITUARY
By Balasaheb Yardi (Brother-in-Law)
To mourn the untimely death of my Dear brother-in law, Dr Pradeep
On reaching Belgaum on 31 st Aug, I learnt about the untimely demise of Dear Pradeep, my brother –in law. It was a great shock to my family and me.
Dr Pradeep was a very quiet and lovable person .When he was 11 years old, I was married to his eldest sister, Kishori, in May 1959. He was very much attached to her and tagged behind her all the time , depending on her for daily care and needs. Since then I observed him grow into a very mature, handsome and professionally competent doctor, got married to Dear Neelima and settled in Rochester to practice surgery.
He was primarily very independent by nature and from early childhood took interest in various activities and achieved proficiency in academic, sports and cultural spheres. He played cricket, badminton , tabla( Indian drums) and later developed interest in playing Golf and skiing. His mature and pleasant personality brought him close to a large number of patients on his panel , friends and Indian community settled in Rochester
close together like a large family.
A gem of a person that he was , his untimely death is a great personal loss and shock to my wife and me . He endured the incurable malady with fortitude and courage knowing fully well that there was no cure and till the end he kept cheerful which indicated his moral strength .
I personally send my condolences to Dear Neelima and Anita, and to all her relatives and pray that God give them enough strenghth to bear this irrepairable loss with courage . May God rest his soul in peace.
From Kishori B Yardi, Pune, India
Pradeep's Eldest sister:
An Obituary
It is hard to believe that Pradeep, my beloved younger brother, was suddenly struck with an incurable type of cancer when he was in the prime of his career. It is harder to believe that he is no more in this wide world. This has come as a bolt from the blue for the whole family.
As I am the eldest of the five I had to help my mother look after the siblings. Anand my youngest brother was born when Pradeep was just over two years of age and he adjusted to the new development by taking shelter under me. This created an everlasting bond between the two of us. Right from his school days his cooperative and helpful nature brought him a large circle of close friends. He had number of friends in Belgaum, Bombay, and then in Rochester, closely knit Indian community was his biggest group.
One of Pradeep’s characteristics was determination. From the childhood he decided on his own as to which school he will attend, what course he will take. Surgery was one of his passions and he left Belgaum and decided to go to Bombay to fulfill his ambition. Another virtue of his nature was that what ever task big or small that he undertook that was done and complete with perfection. So I am sure that his surgeries must have been undoubtedly perfect and so his patients were so happy with him. What an irony of fate that he himself was beyond any treatment when his own turn came.
It is difficult to get over his loving and affectionate attitude towards family, friends and his patients. Even after he learnt about his advanced terminal stage of the disease he kept positive attitude and remained cheerful that the people around him should not get depressed and up set.
His grand and pleasant personality combined with upright character and all the virtues will always remain in our minds. His presence is overwhelming so like in the poem they say “We are seven” I would say “We are five”.
An Amazing Brother-in-Law
By Mary Lou Saraf, San Francisco, CA
I got to know Pradeep, after my marriage to his brother, Dilip. I had the pleasure of meeting him, on my first trip to India in 1974. I found India to be a magnificent country, but also a "Culture Shock" for a Westerner. When I reached the Saraf home in Belgaum, I was being expected to perform all types of rituals and rites that I was clueless as to the meaning. The entire family was present, including the Two Sisters and Two Brothers. They would have long chats, in Marathi, which made me feel even more the outsider. I desperately wanted to please my new family, but was having a hard time figuring out what was going on. Dilip was too busy bragging about his American escapades. My need to know didn’t occur to anyone in my husband’s family, except Pradeep.
He was suffering with an illness and jaundice at the time, and yet he sensed my feeling of discomfort and isolation. So, even in his poor physical state, he took me under his wing and helped me. He made sure that I understood why I was doing certain rituals and what they meant to his family. In the conversation groups, he always let me know what was being said and would try to include me. I was amazed at his caring and kindness, and he made me feel like part of the family. I knew then that he had a tremendous ability for human healing. I found, at that moment, a healer not only of the physical, but one who brings healing to the whole person. A truly amazing being.
His caring, insight and kindness continued throughout his entire life. He was always there for us with each of our difficult situations that lasted a long time. In 1984, my Son, then only nine, was critically ill at Stanford Hospital and they didn't expect him to live. In 1987, I lost my baby. In 1988, our house burned down. In 1989, the Loma Prieta Earthquake badly damaged our newly re-built home after the fire. In 1992, I had major surgery and, at the same time, my son was struck in the head and experienced amnesia. To say the least, it was a very bad period for us. However, each and every time, Pradeep was there to help and provide unstinting support. I can't even begin to express how much that meant to our family to have his loving support. Yes, he was definitely an outstanding healer of mind, body and spirit.
Of course, there are many happy and fun times we all spent together. I remember when Pradeep first came to the States. He stayed with us for a few months and took such interest in everything American. I had learned how to prepare many Indian dishes and he said my Lamb Biriyani and Prawn Curry were the best he ever tasted, but when can we try Pizza?! Pizza was something that he had heard about, but never had tried. He was very eager to learn and try new things.
People say that Pradeep was a "Man of Few Words." I actually saw him as a "Man of Words Well Chosen," almost laconic. He knew that to be a great healer, one must do more listening than speaking. We had many wonderful chats over the years. He never spoke ill of anyone. He would talk with me about his beautiful and intelligent wife, Neelima and their daughter, Anita. You could see how much he loved them both. He was so happy and proud when Anita married Jason. He now had a wonderful Son, too.
I will greatly miss Pradeep. I feel privileged to have known him. He graced our lives with his love and healing.
UNFORGETTABLE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY
This holiday season has come and gone from hereafter I will never feel the same joy of the holiday season that I felt before.
Pradeep and I were always in touch during the holiday season. It did not matter to us to exchange material gifts it was not at all important but talking about our holiday festivities with family and friends was important. I would like to share one memory with my family and friends.
In 2001 we were spending the holidays with our older daughter Sharmila and Mark and our granddaughters. I called Pradeep and Nilima on Christmas evening to give our wishes.
Pradeep told me they were having a gathering with very close friends and that he had just happily brought home with him his friend Shree Kamalakar Phadnis from the hospital. Phadnis had recently had surgery and was recovering in the hospital. Pradeep did not want Phadnis to be alone so he had brought him home for a few hours.
I said to Pradeep, "what a great heart you have to make him comfortable how many friends would do this? Your friend is lucky to have you and also you are a doctor to take care of him!"
When I told him this I heard him sobbing on the phone, he said(in Marathi) "tumachya sarwanchya krupene mi he karato ahe". "It is because of all of your blessings and well wishes I can do this"
Pradeep was a down to earth person he did not care to enjoy his own holidays but was always eager to help others enjoy during the holidays.
This past August of 2006 when I was in Rochester with him he said to me and Nilima, "With this sickness I have been laying down all the time and I am helpless and I still wanted to do so much! Now that my health has collapsed I cannot even walk and I see you all walking around normally." He valued good health and "normal" activities that we take for granted everyday! We lifted up his spirits and told him to remain positive. He would have helped so many more people if he would have lived longer in this world I do not understand why God wanted him back so soon.
Loving sister
Saroj Kokatnur
Post a Comment
<< Home